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Can we please stop expecting more from children than we expect of adults?

6/12/2025

 
A two-panel, colorful digital illustration contrasts adult and child expectations. The left panel, with a beige background, is titled “If adults were treated like kids…” and shows a frustrated adult figure with three speech bubbles around them. The bubbles read: “No, you can’t have coffee, and I don’t need to explain why,” “Use your kind voice,” and “You can go to school at 2:17.” The right panel, with a light teal background, is titled “What we expect from kids every day” and shows a tired-looking child sitting at a desk with their hand on their face, a stack of books, and a large yellow clock. The colors are bold but balanced, with a playful, cartoon style.
Alright, I am climbing on my soapbox today... 
We hold children to higher standards of behavior than we hold adults. We expect them to sit still, follow directions, accept “no” without rational explanation, keep calm in public, and regulate every big emotion, on cue.

And yet, most adults struggle to do even half of that. We tune out during meetings. We get cranky when we’re tired. We avoid tasks that don’t interest us. We push back on rules that feel unfair. We complain when someone says no without offering a reason.

So why are we demanding more composure, more patience, and more flexibility from children than we expect from ourselves?

A soft-toned digital illustration divided diagonally with light yellow in the top left and pale blue in the bottom right. On the left side, two quotes by Ross Greene are displayed in bold text: “They’re not giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.” in burnt orange, and “Kids do well when they can.” in muted purple, both enclosed in quotation marks and attributed to Ross Greene. On the right, a calm adult woman with medium-dark skin and dark hair sits cross-legged beside a distressed boy with brown skin and short dark hair. Both are barefoot, sitting on grass in a simple, flat-style illustration. The overall tone is gentle and affirming.
Children Are Learning. That’s the Whole Point.
A lot of the time, what adults label as “bad behavior” is actually just a child doing their best with what they’ve got. Clinical psychologist Mona Delahooke reminds us that when we see behavior as communication, it stops being something we need to “fix” and starts being something we can understand.

If a child is melting down, shutting down, or saying no, there’s a reason. They’re not trying to make your life hard. They’re trying to manage something inside them that feels too big, too fast, or just too much. What they need in that moment isn’t punishment or shame. It’s support.

Kids Do Well When They Can
That phrase, coined by Dr. Ross Greene, should be at the foundation of how we interact with children. If a child could meet the expectation, they would. So when they can’t, we need to shift from blame to curiosity. What’s in the way? What skills or support are missing?

Dr. Greene’s work reminds us that collaboration and empathy go a lot further than control and consequence. When we approach kids with understanding instead of demands, we don’t just get better behavior...we build better relationships.



​They're Not Projects. They're People.

We have to stop trying to shape kids into what’s easiest for adults. Alfie Kohn, who’s written extensively about parenting and education, points out that many of our systems reward obedience over authenticity. That’s not preparing kids for adulthood. That’s conditioning them to suppress themselves.

Children learn best when they’re trusted. Not when they’re micromanaged. Not when every move is measured and evaluated. And not when we act like their job is to perform for adult approval.

Especially for neurodivergent children, the pressure to “comply” can be exhausting. They’re often pulled through endless programs, therapies, and interventions designed to make them appear more socially acceptable. But that’s not the same as meeting their actual needs.

We don’t need more kids who can mask their distress. We need kids who are safe enough to be themselves.

Being Bored Isn’t a Problem. It’s a Need.
Unstructured time is not a waste. It’s where the good stuff happens. When a child is “doing nothing,” they might be regulating. Or processing. Or dreaming. Or coming up with something wildly creative. Or maybe they’re just resting...and that’s more than okay.

Most adults fantasize about having a day without obligations. And yet we pack children’s schedules with structured activity, then panic when they say they’re bored. But boredom is healthy. It invites invention. It allows the nervous system to settle. It makes space for autonomy.

Letting a child be bored isn’t neglect. It’s a gift.

Noncompliance Can Be a Sign of Growth
Kristy Forbes, an Autistic advocate and educator, teaches about “radical acceptance”—the idea that children are not broken, and they don’t need to be reshaped to fit into narrow boxes. Noncompliance isn’t always defiance. Sometimes it’s a child protecting their dignity. Sometimes it’s them listening to their body. Sometimes it’s a protest against a system that feels unsafe.

We need to stop treating resistance like a red flag. Kids who say no are practicing self-advocacy. Kids who question rules are learning to think critically. Those aren’t flaws. Those are skills they’ll need as adults.

The irony is, we often say we want children to grow up to be bold, independent thinkers, but we punish those traits when they show up in childhood.

A soft, hand-drawn digital illustration set in a peaceful meadow filled with wildflowers and tall green plants. On the left, a dark-skinned adult with long black hair lies on a blue mat, eyes closed, resting calmly. To the right, a light-skinned child with curly red hair sits cross-legged nearby, reading a book. The background uses warm, muted colors to evoke calm and safety. Above them, in script font, the text reads: “Rest is not earned. It’s necessary.” Below them, in the same font, it says: “Model boundaries. Protect your energy. Give yourself compassion too.” The tone is gentle and restorative.
Give Them Compassion. And Give Yourself Some Too.
​

This isn’t just about children. It’s about us. If you, an adult, need rest after a long day, it’s okay. If you check out during something boring, it’s okay. If you say no to things that drain you, that’s healthy.

I know I have a very short tolerance for things that don’t interest me. I check out fast. So I don’t expect kids to give their full attention to something that’s boring to them either. Why would they?

Let’s normalize rest. Let’s normalize boundaries. Let’s model what it means to listen to your body, to pause, to protect your energy.

Children don’t need to earn rest. They don’t need to be fixed. They don’t need to perform for adults in order to be seen as “good.” What they need is freedom to be who they are, support when things are hard, and relationships that are built on trust instead of control.

And honestly? We could all use more of that.

Promoting Positive Mental Health through Mindfulness Strategies

5/19/2020

 

Written By: Emily Swogger, OTR, M.S.

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Mindfulness refers to paying attention to the present moment while still calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.  Because mindfulness requires you to quiet your mind it can be difficult for children and for adults. The practice is so vitally important because it is through mindfulness that you really get to know your own body and emotions.  By simply ignoring these emotions you end up storing them inside but they find a way to make it to the surface anyways through your body. Your body reacts to the stress by causing stomach aches, headaches, and tension in the muscles in your body. Being stuck in your own thoughts prevents you from noticing the joy in every day moments. It can leave you dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. By practicing daily mindfulness it can help you live more in the present which can help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. I can also help in your social life as well making you more emotionally resilient. Research has confirmed that for children, mindfulness can:
  • Mitigate the effects of bullying (Zhou, Liu, Niu, Sun, & Fan, 2016);
  • Enhance focus in children with ADHD (Zhang et al., 2016);
  • Reduce attention problems (Crescentini, Capurso, Furlan, & Fabbro, 2016);
  • Improve mental health and wellbeing;
  • Improve social skills when well taught and practiced with children and adolescents.


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Explaining wearing masks to the kids

4/24/2020

 
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It seems like we have a new reality for the foreseeable future. One of these realities is wearing face coverings (masks) to protect ourselves and those around us while outside our homes. 

It is important to recognize that Autistics, those with sensory processing disorder, and other neuodiverse people may have a difficult time wearing masks for a variety of reasons. It is important that we avoid extreme dysregulation/ melt downs as they pertain to wearing masks.  When meltdowns happen as a result of mask wearing it is alright to focus on the other avoidance techniques of social distancing and avoiding public places/ gatherings.  Don't force mask wearing if that mean a melt down will happen, remember that we want to honor the communication from our littles even if the message is something we don't want to receive.


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Teletherapy FAQs

4/17/2020

 
On March 18, 2020 Therapy Center of Buda made the difficult, yet necessary decision to close to the public to ensure we do our part to keep our community safe and avoid the spread of COVID-19 (i.e., Coronavirus).  At the time we closed teletherapy was not an approved by the Texas Department of Licensing (TDLR) for speech-language pathologists and assistants. Nor was it reimbursable by Texas Medicaid (and MCOs) or private insurance policies. We relentlessly engaged with Governor Abbott, TDLR and Gov. Abbott in order to obtain approvals and coverage for our families and other Texan children.  After a tireless fight, we obtained approval from TDLR and The Governor to allow our therapists to provide our services via teletherapy during the COVID-19 pandemic.   We also have obtained approval from all forms of Medicaid and private insurance companies (with the exception of a few self-funded plans).  Many of the private insurance companies have also agreed to waive patient portion of teletherapy visits. This was wonderful news for our families and other Texan children that required speech-language and occupational therapies.

You may be wondering…What IS teletherapy? How is it different than the therapy we already get? Is it “right” for my child?  Let’s explore these questions together:

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Tips for a smooth summer with your kiddos!

6/4/2019

 
It seems like our kids can’t wait for the summer break from school.  I remember the excitement of NO SCHOOL! No waking up crazy early! No responsibilities!! Woo hoo!  Well, now I am an adult and the summer is just another season that passes.  When kiddos have a break from school it can be fun for them; but, challenging for caretakers.   Here are some tips to keep your summer (and your kiddos) happy and tears at a minimum.

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8 Reasons to choose TCOB

5/9/2019

 
From time to time I meet people and they ask me HOW we are different than other clinics, well here are 8 of the things I explain to them.  In all honesty, it was difficult for me to narrow it down to 8.  I feel deep in my heart that we ARE different because we really do see TCOB as a family and we love each and every family that chooses TCOB.

1. We embrace neurodiversity

At TCOB we embrace the diversity of the families we serve. We respect that all individuals are that, individuals. At our premise we want our families to feel accepted, loved, supported, celebrated, and free to communicate their thoughts and needs in the manner that works best for them. We honor communication in all forms.

2. Family Involvement

Family involvement is strongly encouraged and carry-over activities are provided on a regular basis to support generalization of therapeutic progress which accelerates mastery of skills.

3. Differential Diagnosis

Evaluations are not time based.  They are conducted face-to-face and our clinicians employ a variety of standardized, non-standardized, and criterion referenced protocols to provide differential diagnosis.  Caregivers remain with their children during evaluations to ensure a team approach.

4. ADOS-2 Testing

Our Certified Autism Specialist and lead SLP is formally trained to administer The Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule- 2 (ADOS-2) testing for identification (or the ruling out) of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Data, diagnosis recommendation/s, and comprehensive recommendations are discussed with the family by the evaluating clinician and provided in a narrative report.

5. Certified Autism Specialist

Therapy Center of Buda is proud to have an in-house Certified Autism Specialist, who consults with any family requesting assistance and offers parent education and access to community resources with support.



6. Collaboration

We welcome collaboration with all caretakers, educators, physicians, and specialists in order to maximize therapeutic progress and increase our families overall quality of life.

7. In and outdoor sensory gyms

We are the first facility of our kind, utilizing the traditional indoor sensory gym AND a 3,000 sq ft outdoor sensory gym. Our outdoor gym is a full sensory immersion experience that cannot be replicated in a traditional indoor sensory gym.

8. Superior Mandate Exemption

COFK (in coordination with Superior Healthplan) has agreed TCOB is a specialty facility. Receiving this designation will exempt our facility from the Superior/COFK mandate that was implemented March 1, 2018. Individuals can still obtain their evaluations and care through TCOB directly (without going through COFK).

But First, Play… The Importance of Daily Unstructured Play Opportunities in Childhood

4/5/2019

 
Written by: Emily Swogger, OTR, MS
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At Therapy Center of Buda we feel strongly about outdoor free play and providing our kiddos with a safe outdoor play space. Why are we so passionate about play? Because a child’s main occupation is to play. Play is how they learn new information in the most efficient manner. Yet in a world where children can spend up to 1200 per year on average in front of a screen, play time is rapidly being replaced with screen time. Time spent outside for children, research has shown, can be as little as 7 minutes per day!  Time spent in play in general can be as low as 30 minutes per day. Play-based activities are being decreased for a variety of reasons. On the early education front, a societal emphasis on increasing test scores or meeting Common Core requirements has shifted the focus of early learning and preschool from social emotional skills to building math and reading skills. After-school the amount of play time is decreased due to lack of time to engage in play between longer work hours and the nightly routines of dinner, homework, and bath time. For some, lack of a safe place to play in neighborhood playgrounds and parks is also contributing factor to a decrease in outside play time.  

So, why is the loss of unstructured play so important?


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Embracing neurodiversity.

3/11/2019

 
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Diversity.  We all know the obvious forms of diversity; race, nationality, gender, socioeconomic status, general background, etc. But, lately I find myself discussing a lesser known type of diversity; neurodiversity.  Neurodiversity is the concept that neurological differences (e.g., Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Dyscalculia, Autistic Spectrum Disorders, etc.) are respected as any other human variation.  Therapy Center of Buda has always embraced diversity and we celebrate the diversity of our families.  We don’t believe in “cures” and we don’t want neurodivergent people to look neutrotypical.  In fact, suppressing the communicative efforts, including stims and non-spoken forms of communication have long been proven to be counterproductive to overall communicative and daily living success.  Rather, listening to each individual and their wants, desires, requests, and rejections is a way to honor their communication styles.   


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Fortnite and Kids With ADHD or Social Skills Issues: 7 things I tell parents

9/27/2018

 
Expert Corner blog post by Mark J. Griffin, Ph.D. 
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I played the video game Fortnite the other day with my teen grandson. As an educator, I’ve worked with thousands of kids with ADHD, social skills issues and similar challenges. And I wanted to know more about how Fortnite might affect them.

Fortnite is an online, multiplayer shooter video game. It’s free and can be played on a computer, on a gaming system like the Xbox, or on a mobile device. The most popular game mode is Battle Royale, where 100 players drop onto an island, try to find construction materials and weapons, and fight each other to be the last person (or team of people) standing. Players can talk to one another, and each game lasts 20 minutes. To get a sense of what it’s like, imagine an arcade version of the film The Hunger Games.

Fortnite has taken the world by storm. An estimated 50 million people play. There are news reports of kids playing at all hours of the day, late at night, and even under their desks at school. And many experts have weighed in on whether the game is good for kids.


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12 Things To Listen For In Your Next ARD Meeting

9/22/2018

 
by Bonnie Landau | Advocacy, IEP, Infographic, Special Ed Law

The IEP Team is suppose to help support your child, but sometimes their approach can be misleading. Knowing the law is key when advocating for your child. In my book, Special Ed Mom Survival Guide, I spend considerable time helping you learn about the law and how to apply it. In attending many IEP meetings as a special education advocate, I realized that the schools don’t quote the law when the deny services. Their information is hidden in messages that sound legitimate.
Here are 12 phrases I often hear that are really the IEP Team’s way of skirting around their obligation to provide services.

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Solutions for the financial strain of medical costs

6/24/2018

 
Having a child with special needs can be an emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially draining on a family. When diagnosed with a significant impairment like a genetic syndrome (e.g., Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13, XXX Syndrome, Marfan Syndrome), a congenital anomaly (e.g., Autism Spectrum Disorder, Cleft Lip/Palate, Encephalopathy, Spina Bifida, Encephalopathy), or an acquired syndrome (e.g., Traumatic Brain Injury, Cerebral Palsy, Aphasia) parents are inundated with doctor appointments and recommendations for therapies, medications, follow-ups, etc. In a perfect world, insurance would pay for everything recommended by a medical professional and we wouldn’t worry about the rising costs of said care. But, unfortunately that isn’t our reality.

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Have you heard our AMAZING news?!

4/16/2018

 
Have you heard that we are EXEMPT from the mandated Superior/COFK program?!

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Siblings of children with special needs

4/10/2018

 
Siblings of children with special needs have their own challenges.  People who grow up with a sibling with special needs are often equipped with amazing qualities like patience, kindness, empathy for others, and loyalty, all amazing traits for anyone to have. Here are some terrific books to check out if you love a sibling of a child with special needs.
                                                                                    *Click on the desired book cover for more information*

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What NOT to say to someone with Autism...

4/9/2018

 
TRUTH. Our words matter; chose them wisely. 

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April is Autism Acceptance Month!

4/1/2018

 
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the Autism (aka ASD) is combined array (aka spectrum) of neurotypes. These neurotypes are natural variations. Autism itself does not require treatment, as it is not a sickness. But oftentimes Autistic individuals have co-occurring issues that decrease their ability to fully and effectively communicate their wants and needs or participate in acts of daily living. Autistics, just like neurotypicals, can range from non-speaking to speak eloquently and possess an extensive vocabulary. Knowing the characteristics of Autism  is the first step to early identification and self empowerment.  

Some characteristics of Autistic children are:


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2018 Inclusive Summer Camp Programs

3/25/2018

 
Well, friends...it's about that time of year...to start planning for the summer months!  We all know what that means...SUMMER CAMPS! It's often a challenge to find reliable and vetted summer programs for our special little ones...fortunately for us, our friends at AISD did the leg work for us! Click the photo below to download your copy.  As always, if you have ANY questions feel free to email, call, or visit with me.
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Talking to Children about the Bombings

3/20/2018

 
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All of us at TCOB are heartbroken to hear of the ongoing events in Austin (and Schertz) with the explosive devices.  We have a safety protocol that was established prior to these events and we will continue to honor those safeguards.  There is no direct threat to our facility; however, we ask our families and our community to remain vigilant and aware of your surroundings.  Please report any suspicious activity or packages/items to authorities immediately by calling 911.  As these events continue to occur it is important that we educate our children and also find ways to talk to them about what is happening while not traumatizing them and making them fearful to step outside of their home.  Our friends at The National Child Traumatic Stress Network published the following (unedited) document on how to talk to children about bombings.  We though it was a good time to share with our families and those beyond our walls.  Sending love to all those victimized.                                               


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National Trisomy Awareness Month: what is Trisomy?

3/1/2018

 
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March is Trisomy awareness month, so it’s a perfect time to explain “what is trisomy?” Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes, for a total of 46 chromosomes total.  Trisomy is a genetic disorder in which an individual has an extra chromosome (partial or whole). Early identification is important in order to best evaluate, treat, and monitor for any possible developmental deficits or possible medical complications.  Educating others of trisomy is important to not only provide a better understanding of the syndromes but to reinforce the notion that early intervention is vital for academic and social success.

Most common Trisomy disorders:

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Stuttering (aka Dysfluent Speech)

2/19/2018

 
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The term “stutter” is terribly outdated and oftentimes negatively viewed, rather I like the term “dysfluent speech.” It is important to remember that we all have moments of dysfluent speech, that doesn’t necessarily mean we all need speech-language therapy to address it.   The line that we draw to determine if therapy is recommended is the impact the dysfluent moment have on one’s life, the severity/ frequency/duration of dysfluent moments, and the accompanying tension with the dysfluent moments.

Some of the most common types of dysfluent speech include:
  • Single word repetition (e.g. “I I I I I want a hamburger.”)
  • Phrase repetition (e.g.,” I want a ham-ham-hamburger.”)
  • Blocking (e.g., “I want a ham (pause) burger.”)
  • Prolongation (e.g., “I want a hammmmmmmburger.”)
  • Avoidance (avoiding saying word/s because the speaker anticipates a dysfluent moment)
  • Fillers (inserting words/sounds to offer the speaker more time to prepare for what they are saying; "like, "uh", "and".)

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Win your pair of tickets to a Day Out With Thomas!

9/25/2017

 
Do you have your tickets to the Day Out With Thomas yet? Don't worry,  we have you covered! We have TWO tickets to this awesome event we will give away this Friday (September 29, 2017) at noon. Want to throw your name in the drawing? All you have to do is write a review for TCOB on Google, Facebook, Yahoo, etc. Each review that gets posted gets entered to win (This means you can be entered several times if you post on different sites)!
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DAY OUT WITH THOMAS TICKET includes a scheduled 25 minute train ride (October 1, 2017 at 11am) behind Thomas the Tank Engine, all day admission to the Day Out With Thomas events at the Burnet Community Center, and the following activities:
  • Photos opportunities with Thomas the Train and Sir Topham Hatt
    *Photo packages can also be purchased by on-site photographer
  • Rock climbing wall
  • Inflatable Cranky the Crane
  • Miniature golf
  • Thomas Imagination Station of interactive play
  • Temporary tattoo station
  • Arts and crafts at Imagination Station
  • Traveling balloon twisters
  • Wooden Thomas play station
  • Live children’s musical performances
  • Storytelling and videos
  • Magician
  • Gift shop
http://www.austinsteamtrain.org/special-events/day-out-with-thomas/
 
**The winner will be announced via our Facebook page and the winner MUST pick up their prize by 6pm Friday September 29, 2017 at our office location (photo identification MUST match the name of the person shown online as the reviewer).**
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    A smiling woman with light skin, shoulder-length dark brown hair, and large dark-framed glasses. She is wearing a maroon top with a black cardigan and a delicate necklace. The background is white, and the image is cropped in a circular frame. Picture of Amy Grant

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    Amy Grant is a licensed Speech-Language Pathologist and Clinic Director of Therapy Center of Buda. Special Focus: Autism/ ADHD

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WHAT OUR PARENTS SAY 

I am so happy with the care my daughter gets here. Everyone is helpful and patient. Amy took extra time 
with me and my wife to explain exactly what was happening with my daughter and explain how therapy was going to help. I love that she involves us in the sessions and we have seen major improvements. I would recommend this clinic to anyone!
-Paul S.
I can't say enough about how much my son has progressed and continues to progress in their care. The love and compassion, professional atmosphere, and top notch therapists make this place the best in central Texas. We are forever grateful to Amy Grant, Miss Angeli, Suzie and Brandi.


- Amy P.
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