Lately, I've been noticing more and more ABA clinics popping up in our area. Every time I see another sign go up, I have the same mix of feelings… disappointed, angry, sad, and so many more that I honestly cannot identify.
There is so much conflicting information out there for families and they are just doing the best they can. Oftentimes they have a lot going on, so they go to specialists and doctors with lots of letters behind their name and degrees on the wall for help. After hearing their loved one is Autistic, they ask what they're supposed to do next, and ABA is usually one of the very first recommendations they hear. However, there is a shift happening currently and many physicians have not yet realized this shift and they continue to make antiquated recommendations. Let’s discuss this shift and also what this means for TCOB families.
Before I start, I know that this is a high emotion topic… it is for me too. I have been on the receiving end of behaviorism my entire life. I also practiced in behaviorism, prior to my enlightenment, so this isn't written to make anyone feel guilty…only to help people understand TCOB’s position and why it is our position.
There is so much conflicting information out there for families and they are just doing the best they can. Oftentimes they have a lot going on, so they go to specialists and doctors with lots of letters behind their name and degrees on the wall for help. After hearing their loved one is Autistic, they ask what they're supposed to do next, and ABA is usually one of the very first recommendations they hear. However, there is a shift happening currently and many physicians have not yet realized this shift and they continue to make antiquated recommendations. Let’s discuss this shift and also what this means for TCOB families.
Before I start, I know that this is a high emotion topic… it is for me too. I have been on the receiving end of behaviorism my entire life. I also practiced in behaviorism, prior to my enlightenment, so this isn't written to make anyone feel guilty…only to help people understand TCOB’s position and why it is our position.
People occasionally ask us why we won't see clients while they're enrolled in ABA. It's a fair question, and the answer isn't that we dislike other professionals or think we're the only ones who care about autistic people. Rather, the answer is the philosophies are incompatible…in fact they directly conflict.
At TCOB, we practice from the neurodiversity paradigm. That means we don't start with the assumption that autism is something to reduce or that the goal of therapy is to make someone appear less autistic. Rather, we start from a different question. "What is this person trying to tell us?" What type of supports do they need to be regulated? What’s holding them hostage? When we support clients it changes the narrative from “there’s something wrong with you” or “you need to act like your sibling,” to “you are who you are and we love you on good days, bad days, and all the days in between.” Unconditional love and connection is what allows individuals to accept who they are and accept the supports they need from “safe” co-regulators. This is transformational for our clients and this is where we build life-long strength, self-advocacy, self-love, self-acceptance, a sense of community…in that safe space is where they can flourish and be free to grow.
If a individual refuses to come into the therapy room, we aren't immediately thinking about how to force them to ignore their feelings and “do what we say.” Rather, we're wondering why they're refusing. Are they anxious? Is something in the room overwhelming? Did they have a difficult day? Are they communicating a boundary? Is there another way we can make this feel safe?
Individuals will develop naturally when they are in a safe environment with safe co-regulators they can trust. Children especially require co-regulation not only to be ok in those moments, but also so they can learn to regulate themselves, so they are not dependent on co-regulators the rest of their lives.
Behavior isn't random. Behavior is communication. Behaviorism asks, "How do we change behavior?" The neurodiversity paradigm asks, "What is the behavior telling us?" Those two questions lead you to very different places. For me, this isn't just theoretical; it's personal.
I grew up learning, like so many autistic people, that being "good" meant being compliant. It meant pushing through discomfort, ignoring my instincts, saying yes when I wanted to say no, and assuming the adults around me always knew better than I did. I'm still unlearning this…decades later.
As an adult, learning to trust my own body, my own sensory experiences, and my own boundaries have taken an incredible amount of work. I don't say that because I think my childhood was malicious. The adults in my life loved me. They wanted me to succeed. But because behaviorism was used for me to appear “normal” or “fit in,” somewhere along the way, I learned that my comfort mattered less than my compliance.
I don't want that for the individuals I work with. I want a future for them that they know their needs are valid and they know what they need to be ok on this spinning rock.
BUT…BUT…BUT… “ABA is teaching resilience!” (so say the ABAers) NO, they are teaching individuals to comply, not to help themselves. This is not a safe nor resilient, it’s setting them up to blindly hide their needs and do what the perceived authority figure says. “But, they teaching the individual “life skills.” NO. They are teaching compliance and to do things without meaning, motivation, and/or without an internal need being met. These fundamental issues with ABA can never be remedied with a rebrand or with “new ABA,” the foundation is behaviorism and this is the toxic issue.
At Therapy Center of Buda, we intentionally teach the opposite. We teach individuals that communication matters, especially when it isn't spoken. We teach them that sensory needs are real, how to identify their needs, and equally important how to satisfy that need safely. We teach them that asking for a break is ok. We teach them that their “job” is to play and learn through that play, naturally…just because they are Autistic that doesn’t mean they need to be trained for 40 hours a week to look, act, and speak like a peer they are being compared to. We teach them that accommodations aren't failures, we all need accommodations and asking for them is powerful, not something to be ashamed of. We teach them that they have the right to advocate for themselves. We teach them that their "no" deserves to be heard.
Therapist Neurodiversity Collective talks about this often. neurodiversity-affirming therapy isn't just a different collection of techniques. It's a different philosophy. It prioritizes autonomy, body safety, authentic communication, presumed competence, and understanding the purpose behind behavior rather than simply changing what adults observe. That's why our approaches conflict.
Imagine one therapist spending a session helping an individual recognize when they're overwhelmed and helping them to ask for a break. Then imagine another person of authority spending the next several hours reinforcing the individual doesn't need a break, can't have a break, to continue the task anyway. Each person is teaching opposite information…the individual is receiving two completely different messages about what they're supposed to do when their body says, "This doesn't feel ok." That contradiction is stressful and counterproductive.
One of the reasons autistic clinicians and autistic adults have become increasingly vocal about ABA is because so many of us have spent years trying to rebuild trust in ourselves after growing up believing that other people's expectations mattered more than our own internal experience.
That doesn't mean every child in ABA will have the same experience. It does mean those voices deserve to be taken seriously. Therapy Center of Buda has chosen to build our practice around those voices.
So if your family chooses ABA, we genuinely wish you well. We know you're doing what you believe is best for your loved one. And if one day you decide that path no longer feels right, our door is still open… without judgement and without lectures…we will be there for you.
At TCOB, we practice from the neurodiversity paradigm. That means we don't start with the assumption that autism is something to reduce or that the goal of therapy is to make someone appear less autistic. Rather, we start from a different question. "What is this person trying to tell us?" What type of supports do they need to be regulated? What’s holding them hostage? When we support clients it changes the narrative from “there’s something wrong with you” or “you need to act like your sibling,” to “you are who you are and we love you on good days, bad days, and all the days in between.” Unconditional love and connection is what allows individuals to accept who they are and accept the supports they need from “safe” co-regulators. This is transformational for our clients and this is where we build life-long strength, self-advocacy, self-love, self-acceptance, a sense of community…in that safe space is where they can flourish and be free to grow.
If a individual refuses to come into the therapy room, we aren't immediately thinking about how to force them to ignore their feelings and “do what we say.” Rather, we're wondering why they're refusing. Are they anxious? Is something in the room overwhelming? Did they have a difficult day? Are they communicating a boundary? Is there another way we can make this feel safe?
Individuals will develop naturally when they are in a safe environment with safe co-regulators they can trust. Children especially require co-regulation not only to be ok in those moments, but also so they can learn to regulate themselves, so they are not dependent on co-regulators the rest of their lives.
Behavior isn't random. Behavior is communication. Behaviorism asks, "How do we change behavior?" The neurodiversity paradigm asks, "What is the behavior telling us?" Those two questions lead you to very different places. For me, this isn't just theoretical; it's personal.
I grew up learning, like so many autistic people, that being "good" meant being compliant. It meant pushing through discomfort, ignoring my instincts, saying yes when I wanted to say no, and assuming the adults around me always knew better than I did. I'm still unlearning this…decades later.
As an adult, learning to trust my own body, my own sensory experiences, and my own boundaries have taken an incredible amount of work. I don't say that because I think my childhood was malicious. The adults in my life loved me. They wanted me to succeed. But because behaviorism was used for me to appear “normal” or “fit in,” somewhere along the way, I learned that my comfort mattered less than my compliance.
I don't want that for the individuals I work with. I want a future for them that they know their needs are valid and they know what they need to be ok on this spinning rock.
BUT…BUT…BUT… “ABA is teaching resilience!” (so say the ABAers) NO, they are teaching individuals to comply, not to help themselves. This is not a safe nor resilient, it’s setting them up to blindly hide their needs and do what the perceived authority figure says. “But, they teaching the individual “life skills.” NO. They are teaching compliance and to do things without meaning, motivation, and/or without an internal need being met. These fundamental issues with ABA can never be remedied with a rebrand or with “new ABA,” the foundation is behaviorism and this is the toxic issue.
At Therapy Center of Buda, we intentionally teach the opposite. We teach individuals that communication matters, especially when it isn't spoken. We teach them that sensory needs are real, how to identify their needs, and equally important how to satisfy that need safely. We teach them that asking for a break is ok. We teach them that their “job” is to play and learn through that play, naturally…just because they are Autistic that doesn’t mean they need to be trained for 40 hours a week to look, act, and speak like a peer they are being compared to. We teach them that accommodations aren't failures, we all need accommodations and asking for them is powerful, not something to be ashamed of. We teach them that they have the right to advocate for themselves. We teach them that their "no" deserves to be heard.
Therapist Neurodiversity Collective talks about this often. neurodiversity-affirming therapy isn't just a different collection of techniques. It's a different philosophy. It prioritizes autonomy, body safety, authentic communication, presumed competence, and understanding the purpose behind behavior rather than simply changing what adults observe. That's why our approaches conflict.
Imagine one therapist spending a session helping an individual recognize when they're overwhelmed and helping them to ask for a break. Then imagine another person of authority spending the next several hours reinforcing the individual doesn't need a break, can't have a break, to continue the task anyway. Each person is teaching opposite information…the individual is receiving two completely different messages about what they're supposed to do when their body says, "This doesn't feel ok." That contradiction is stressful and counterproductive.
One of the reasons autistic clinicians and autistic adults have become increasingly vocal about ABA is because so many of us have spent years trying to rebuild trust in ourselves after growing up believing that other people's expectations mattered more than our own internal experience.
That doesn't mean every child in ABA will have the same experience. It does mean those voices deserve to be taken seriously. Therapy Center of Buda has chosen to build our practice around those voices.
So if your family chooses ABA, we genuinely wish you well. We know you're doing what you believe is best for your loved one. And if one day you decide that path no longer feels right, our door is still open… without judgement and without lectures…we will be there for you.
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